What does it do? Homecoming Job
by Age of the Geek
Summary: A Hardison/Parker fanfic dealing with their budding relationship...and a plant


Hardison had been quite busy since the first caper. They had convinced Nate to lead them but without a job, the group quickly went their separate ways. He busied himself creating the background and setting up Leverage Inc. Since the boss gave him the creative freedom, Hardison decided to have some fun. First he wanted to liven up the place with some art and then give the company some history. He combined the pair by utilizing some photos of Nate and his new hobby of painting. Alec had started painting as a way to alleviate some pressure from hacking a tough firewall or writing a new virus code. Hardison took some liberties by adding worry lines crow's feet and a wild white mane of hair. He completed it in three weeks time and was satisfied with the results. Then, he proceeded to work on the group's background. Elliot and Sophie were easy but Parker was proving difficult. He wanted to catch the essence of the attractive yet unstable thief. He heard mention a rough childhood and wanted to give her some fun, even if it was only imaginary. He recalled a birthday party at the park where he participated in a sack race. He did not win but it was the most fun he ever had. Alec made it a company picnic and Parker the winner. He hoped she liked it. The hacker didn't know why it mattered so much but it made him feel good. A phone call interrupted his thoughts. Nate finally had an assignment.

Parker had spent a 72 hours casing the museum and was happy to finally be able to make her move. She no longer needed the money, after the last job she was very wealthy. Thanks to her new friends, especially Nate and Hardison. Nate had not only got them together but got them working like a well-oiled machine. Hardison turned an average payday into an extraordinary one. None of them had to pull another job ever but she could not retire. She only knew one thing and she loved doing it. The museum she had been watching deserved to be robbed. One security guard looking forward to cashing a pension check and a security system that Hardison could break when he was in elementary school. He was very good at what he did but so were they all. It was the fact he did not talk down to her while explaining the complicated computer lingo that made him cool. She managed to use some on the first job. Hardison gave her a hi-five when she returned, although she had wondered if said it correctly. Evidently she did and they both shared a smile. She was getting bored visiting her money at the storage facility and went back to work. It was a nice fantasy thinking they could work together but it had been a while since she heard from anyone, even Hardison. She pushed him out of head and focused on the job. The museum was a good way to get her feet wet after a long layoff. Parker was about ro remove the art when her phone rang. The pulley made a hissing sound that Hardison mistook as Parker "sshhing" him:

Hardison: Who you sshhing, girl?

Parker: Not you. I am in the middle of a job. What's up?

Hardison: Nate called. We are a go.

Parker arrived at the office building and spotted Sophie and Elliot at the elevators. They discussed what they had done during the down time on the ride up. Then they talked about the money but Elliot would not share what he did with his cut. Once inside, they all looked around and wondered what was going on and where was Hardison. Soon Alec entered the room with folders and phones. He told them about Leverage Inc but before he could Sophie noticed a strange painting on the wall. It was an older version of Nate Ford. Sophie laughed, Elliot made a snide comment, yet Parker could not help but think it looked better than some of the art she had stolen. She didn't get a chance to compliment him though as Hardison resumed talking. Alec handed out the phones and folders as he began the tour. She read the summary and saw she won the company sack race. She smiled broadly because that was one of the few times when she was happy. She won a sack race right before the disturbing sight of a horse killing a clown. "How did he know? Does he have some special geek abilities", she thought to herself. She let it be known how grateful she was. Hardison was happy to see Parker smile but business came first. He made a suggestion of making the offices their own and Parker noted Hardison mentioned he thought plants would be ideal. But for the life of her, she had no clue why. Hardison then got his geek on by showing the conference room with all the electronics. He was prone to ramble so Parker chided him about hearing only the shortest version. He took great pride in his work and it showed during the presentation. Nate spoke of the assignment and their tasks would be. Ford then broke them up into two teams. Hardison was quite content to be paired with Parker. He figured he could impress her with more techno jargon. Although, when he looked over at the thief, she was smiling as well but hers had the hint of mischief behind it. A few hours later, Alec knew why.

Hardison stood on the 60 story skyscraper and thought if it was worth it. Not just impressing Parker but breaking into the building and working for Nate. Hardison assumed they would utilize the same game-plan from before but Parker stated she wanted to try something different. Hardison was blinded by the smile and agreed without thinking. Parker wanted Hardison in her element to see how the geek would equate himself. She had already been in his element now she wanted him in was shaking in his boots. Hardison could not fathom that only some ropes and straps would keep him from going splat. He came to the conclusion that Parker would not kill him so he relaxed. Then he made the mistake of inquiring if she tested the rig. Her reply did not help but it was way better than what she did next. Alec was sure the scream could be heard in the surrounding counties but he could care less. He was now hanging upside, many hundred feet in the air. Parker calmly slid down next to him and flashed him another wicked grin. Hardison was ready to let her have it but realized she was just playing. She had a wild streak but meant no harm. She apologized as helping through the window. Parker had to pull him close and felt how muscular he was. He definitely did not spend all his time behind computers. Hardison also noticed how fit Parker was. She was slender but soft as well. "Guess she has to be to fit into those small crawlspaces", he thought as the duo stayed closer longer than they needed. When they finally broke away both were very tense. Hardison focused completely on the computer system, which was simple considering it had more security than the White House. Parker moved far away as possible while staying in the same room. She also became chatty, mentioning anything and everything that came to mind. Alec just nodded or grunted until Nate called needing an update. He told Nate what was required. Alec lost focus for a minute when Durdorf spewed his bile about buying a Congressman. He literally threw up in his mouth and let Parker know. Alec could deal with bad guys but this man was downright evil. Parker nodded her head in agreement:

Parker: How will they get it to us time?

Hardison: Our phones can act as scanners as well. They can read the data and transmit it. No muss, no fuss.

Once Alec received the transmission and Parker the voice sounds, she took a sit next to Hardison and soon the pair was sifting through files of the paper and electronic variety. The duo did not like what they saw. Ford ordered them to leave and go back to HQ. Parker proceeded to hook the rig back up and Hardison stared at her with a perplexingly. Then he realized they had to leave the same way they entered:

Hardison: No, no, no, no, no. Hell no!

Parker: Just think about it. You can tell everyone you repelled down a skyscraper. You think Elliot or Nate has done that?

Hardison: Probably, Elliot.

Parker: But not after hacking a computer.

Hardison: Nice way to beef up my geek cred.

As she checked his straps to make sure they were secure, Parker gave Hardison props for painting:

Hardison: You really liked it?

Parker: Yeah, you couldn't even see the numbers.

Hardison: You got jokes. Don't try to steal it. I will not have my artistic gifts put on Ebay!

Parker: Why not? I can sale it back to you or get Nate to pay me to pilfering it.

Hardison: You're on. If you can get past my system, I'll let you have a shelf in my fridge.

Parker: You are willing to lose the orange soda. Very sure are yourself.

Hardison: I am only giving up a shelf not orange soda completely

Parker: And if I can't?

Hardison: You'll think of something worthy of me.

Parker could see he was getting cocky again but he was standing next to the open window and she could not pass up the opportunity. Before he knew it, Hardison was flying out of the window screaming "seriously" all the way down. Parker screwed up her face and wondered if she adjusted the length of the rope for Hardison. The thief thought she did but quickly threw herself out the window to make sure.

The next few days were tense as they prepared going up against a force with superior man and fire power. Nate tasked Sophie and Parker to DC to handle some sensitive business. Hardison thought he might be included in the road trip but Nate said he would not be needed. Alec was confused yet Ford said he would explain all later. The Hacker worked his magic so they could have video on the House floor but then came to the conclusion C-Span took care of all that. Sometimes he had the propensity to over think situations

Hardison prepared to watch Parker do her thing. He did not understand why Nate was going old school but at least he got a chance to see how Parker operated without hanging upside down. He had heard so many things about her, including her insane antics and now has witnessed them firsthand, but she was attractive and a little crazy....a lot crazy. She even got him to repel and although he screamed like a little girl, at least he went through with it and her smile made up for it, barely. He made sure to tell Parker he would be watching but he had to clear his head for the briefing with Elliot. After they shafted the Congressman on his tiles, Nate decided to join him. Alec took a beer and a seat and listened as Nate did his version of School House Rock. He couldn't believe he didn't know about the wooden box. Alec was just insulted that the Congress was so low tech. Then, he realized if they had joined the 21st century, hackers like him would have a field day. Then, he saw Parker enter the chamber. She paused for a moment and gave a wave. Hardison hid his grin by taking a long swallow of beer. Parker said she might do so but Alec did not think she would remember. Now she was only a few feet away from achieving a thief's greatest feat, stealing a law. Once Parker relayed the message, he could not hide his jubilation, even forgetting he was not alone. He had used the term Sextionist only once when he watched Angelina Jolie in the movie Hackers. Now Parker had earned the coveted moniker. Nate ribbed him about it and Alec tried to play it off. Yet, he didn't care.

Before the ladies got back, Hardison looked over some notes and found out about a cargo container. There was no paperwork with its inventory. They would have to go on site. The parents would stay outside while the kids broke in. Parker would handle the locks, Elliot the muscle, and Hardison the technical aspects. The shipyard was well-guarded but the trio located the target. As usual Elliot was running in without accessing the situation. If it wasn't for Hardison and his gadgets, they would have been captured, shot, or both. Alec was in the process of telling Parker how he could disable the camera when Captain Caveman handled it with a rock. He could not let that slide because he was pissed that Elliot bragging had outshone his bragging. He didn't know why Elliot was needed. They reached the container and talked about what might be inside. Each offered a guess but none were close. It was full of money and Parker was in pure ecstasy. She saw nothing but stacks of 100 dollar bills and it was if the rest of the world ceased to exist. She turned and let out a demented giggle but before she could roll around in it, the guards came back. Parker wanted to be locked in with the money and Elliot was tempted to do so but Hardison grabbed her as she snatched a handful of money. Elliot locked the door and the all scampered up a nearby container until the coast was clear.

Back at Leverage Inc., all anyone could talk about was whether the money was real or not. Hardison ran numerous tests but he should have listened to Parker. She insisted it was real but none of them believed her. Elliot made a snarky comment about Parker and Hardison having a freaky contest but Parker paid him no mind. She liked money and wasn't ashamed of it. She also liked being compared to Hardison. Hardison, on the other hand, was getting tired of the putdowns. Alec could see Parker grinning and thought she was laughing at the joke, which soured his mood. Nate began speaking and broke the scheme. Although they could not fathom stealing that large sum of cash, the group hated what Nate suggested. Parker pulled her money under the table before he made her give it back. She had plans for the cash. The thief raised her hand and asked to be excused. Nate nodded but told her not to be gone too long.

Parker had canvassed the neighborhood for plant shops. She entered a florist but it overwhelmed her senses. Parker happened upon one of the big box tool store which had a garden section. She had no idea what to look for. Her method of shopping drew some strange looks as she poked, prodded, sniffed, and even tasted a few. The sales people played rock, paper, scissors to see who would approach her. Parker walked up to the counter first and placed the cash on the counter:

Parker: How much plant can I get for this?

The two men and women stared at the crisp 28 one hundred dollar bills. None of them thought about cheating the petite blond because there a hint of insanity in her eyes:

Salesman: Miss, the best plant we have is over in the corner and it only costs $150.

It was a large African Kniphofia Gracilis. It was very bright and colorful and something Hardison might appreciate. They offered to carry it to the car for good measure to make sure she left quickly. It was good the excursion was short: Nate had formulated a plan to deal with the Congressman and the head of Castleman.

Once again Nate proved to be a good and righteous boss. Hardison got his wish and was teamed with Parker. He had to drive the truck after Parker picked the lock. She exclaimed the lock was different. Hardison didn't see the problem until Parker produced a small bomb. Alec tried to look calm as he ran but it was no use.. He had faith Parker would not kill him but her reckless abandon might have underestimated the explosion. As he sped away, the bomb rocked the shipyard. Hardison wasn't trying to escape though. First, he had to provide a distraction for Nate and Sophie and then get "caught". The security force stopped and opened the door but nothing was there. The Castlemen goons could not do a thorough search though. Reporters and police were all over the area. He picked up the gang outside the gate and headed over to the VA Hospital. Hardison thought it was a good idea to have Parker dress up like a dockworker, which gave her access to a forklift. She was able to transfer a couple of pallets before blowing up the container next to their objective. The look on the soldiers' faces made it all worthwhile. She liked the feeling and she like the sense of belonging. Nate gave them an out but Elliot said one more and Hardison doubled that. She spoke up about purchasing a plant. Hardison applauded her yet she wanted a reason for the buy:

Hardison: They are good for the environment and your soul.

Parker looked on for further explanation:

Hardison: You can talk to them and it will make them grow.

Parker: Seriously?

Hardison: Seriously.

The thief just knew he was pulling her leg but he appeared sincere. After Nate surprised them with his own purchase, she rushed back to the office. Parker felt silly at first and could think of nothing to say. Then she started to think about Hardison and how he seemed to somehow get her. From the sack race to the repelling, he was fun to be with. All of them were but especially Hardison. After describing the latest mission, Parker spoke on how she stole the painting. Now she wanted to know how to pilfer Hardison's handiwork and win the bet. She wanted room for her smoothies.


End file.
